When summer makes a sophomore effort
A fine line between stupid and clever
Last week, I did something really stupid. I started this newsletter.
The response was completely unexpected. My phone buzzed non-stop with lovely pings of encouragement. While my ego licks the last crumbs of last week’s feast from its fingertips, my anxiety gives me pointed looks—let’s get on with it, shall we?
A pheasant story from the past
I don’t remember what exactly I was doing when I noticed police casually strolling past my kitchen window, towards my backyard. But I know it wasn’t much, and their arrival was the most interesting thing to happen that morning. I stepped onto my back porch and found the officers and my landlord looking into the trees.
One of the cops gestured at a branch about 20 feet up. “The peacock escaped from the zoo and we got a call that he was in your backyard.”
“I didn’t know peacocks could fly!”
“Yup,” replied the officer, dousing my delight. “Animal Control is on their way.”
By the time they arrived, the peacock made use of the neighbourhood tree canopy and was now two houses down—and 40 more feet up. Curious neighbours collected on the sidewalk, pointing their fingers (and their phones) at the majestic creature looking down.
I asked if they were going to shoot the bird with a tranquillizer dart. No, they said, they’d put out food to coax him down. But that was unlikely to work, since peacocks love to eat flowers, and he’d probably gorged himself quite happily in our gardens.
“So, you just have to wait until he decides to come down?”
“It won’t be that long,” the Animal Control guy reassured me. “He’ll get bored.”
Animal Control was actually wrong. The peacock evaded capture for another week, wickedly racing across roofs and backyards across Roncesvalles, titillating residents and inspiring art until he returned to his pen, unrepentant and unashamed.
In the meantime, we all learned three things: Animal Control can only control some animals, peacocks are just colourful trash pandas that can fly, and the easiest way to promote High Park Zoo fundraising is nice weather—and mild chaos led by an animal.
Looks like a summer for shut-ins
So far, June has forced Torontonians to keep the heavy blankets out of storage, stoking real fears that the one thing that keeps us going for eight or nine months of the year—hot, sunny weather—may not materialize at all this year.
Still, not all is lost. Seasonal wars over office AC will hold a ceasefire. Crime and heat-related deaths are unlikely to spike. You’re likely not going to have an expensive hydro bill. And, for those stuck working indoors, weather like this can feel like a cold comfort.
In fact, from the dark and miserable summer of 1815, emerged the science fiction genre:
Your next favourite digital mystery
Every year, around this time, I urge people to follow @TTLastSpring, which follows the final few months of Tom Thomson’s life, and the fallout from his mysterious death.
The tweeting voice of Thomson struggles with his relationships, digests the news from the ongoing war, and contemplates his art. It builds up to July 8, 1917, when he goes off in his canoe in Algonquin Park, after which he’s never seen alive again.
Now is the perfect time to start following the events that lead to Tom’s turbulent final days, which lend a northern Twin Peaks vibe to the mystery. I’ve followed along since I joined Twitter—and each year, my theory on what actually happened to him changes.
(Check it out, and we’ll meet back here in July to decide which of the theories is best.)
Number of a beast of Twitter
June 6, 2019 marks six years of tweeting via @JodiesJumpsuit, and it’ll be a day to reflect upon the debauchery synonymous with 6/6/6. These were my two most popular ones:
The third-most-popular, three months ago:
Citizens of a certain country didn’t like it:
With his recent health news, and the end of James Holzhauer’s streak on Jeopardy, I’m hopeful Trebek will soon return what he does best: smiling bemusedly at anxious Americans.
Now, let’s watch James Holzhauer lose:
More from The Jumpstack next Tuesday. In the meantime, you can reply to me with your reactions to the newsletter. And, if you haven’t subscribed to it yourself yet, get yours here.
ms.info is a Wednesday newsletter by Alheli Picazo. It’s a look into all of the social media weirdness surrounding politics (and other stuff) which you can check out by clicking this: